1 comentarii Saturday, January 3, 2009

After spending your whole night watching some really stupid  sitcom that a friend recommended you actually start getting into it. It's hard to imagine how something so unreal and impossible or at the least improbabil can draw you in so hard. It's like when you're six and your grandpa tells you his veteran war stories near the camp fire or the first time you saw a horror flick and you spent the whole night in bed prefering to piss your pants rather than walking through the dark hallway to get to the toilet.

But in reality I guess the only real reason we actually get caught up in all these things is that deep down inside we actually want to believe those things. If nothing else but at least for that short while when you see friendship, scolding hatered or love. We actually want to belive that there actually is something at the end of the rainbow no matter how inane or stupid it might be.
Makes me realize how much I need a friend every now and then. Someone I can talk to, someone that makes fun of me till I'm broken into smaller pieces than a 10000 piece puzzle (trust me, that's pretty small) and at the same time someone you can hate so much in mutuality that you torture each other with the greatest of enjoyment.
Sometimes I wish my life could feel so complete with so little. Truth be told I really don't need all that much to be happy. A clear sky, a porch, cup of coffee from a corner pancake vendor and a pack of my favorite smokes (whatever they may be at the specific moment) -- and just someone to talk to passing time aimlessly.  I sometimes hate my life for all these things. The friends that eventually leave; the only love I've ever experienced washed down the drain in an instance after almost two years; the constant empty feeling in my stomache every morning I open my eyes.
I have no intention of going emo for any reason and no this is nothing like that. I seriously hate you.